Out of my comfort zone
When I was in college, I heard the trope “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” in so many of my psychology classes. It was used as a way to not only motivate us students but also something used to help us understand human psychology as a whole. As with most things I learned in school I found it difficult to understand the meaning behind this when it was just an abstract concept. I’ve always been the kind of person who has to actually experience things, good and bad in order for them to really sink in.
After I graduated graduate school I decided to take some time off before getting into the work force because I was burned out. Just before I started looking for a job I made the decision to go to Europe for three weeks by myself. At the time, I felt like if I continued to wait for someone to be ready enough to join me that I might never make it there. For the first time, leading up to and during this trip I started to really understand the meaning of that saying we’ve all heard one too many times. I understood it more because traveling abroad made me physically and emotionally uncomfortable and filled me up with so much excitement and joy at the very same time. When you are traveling to another country you are experiencing so much newness at almost every turn of your trip. Not really understanding the culture you’re in, not knowing how to dress (FYI, being in Europe made me feel so bad about myself because everyone there is so well dressed. PNW chic does not cut it over there), not knowing how to get around (when I went the first time I did not have any cell service), and not speaking the language. In Europe its pretty customary to have to flag down your wait staff and ask them if you can pay your bill and I sat in so many restaurants desperately wanting to leave but not knowing how because I felt like I didn’t know how to pay. Your brain literally has to attune to a completely different set of inputs and rules.
By intentionally exposing myself to this level of discomfort over and over again it has not only allowed me to appreciate the way that other people live but also to become more aware of my own privilege as someone coming from America. I work with a lot of clients who are in phases of their lives where they are attempting to change patterns, look at themselves in a new light, and process traumatic events. I often tell them that in order for these changes to be successful, and by successful I mean in order for their body and brain to trust in the changes they are attempting to make that they have to be coming from a place of safety. You have to have a certain level of safety not only with yourself but also with the people you are attempting to practice things with. I always ask my clients to think about the safest person in their lives, the one they can trust the most, and start practicing the changes with that person first. This not only builds the confidence of the client because they can be pretty certain they will be supported by this person but also builds the sense of trust that the body needs to feel safe enough to continue moving forward. I bring this up because so much of the way I have been able to get through challenges when I am abroad (and boy there are always challenges) is by having a certain sense of self-efficacy. By getting out there and trying new things I am able to tolerate the new input in a way I couldn’t before because I have exposed myself to new environments and proven to myself that I can handle anything that comes my way.
Most recently in Egypt we ran into so many hurdles, lost luggage and difficulty figuring out how to get it back, battling stomach illness on and off throughout the entire trip, navigating Egyptian airports (which is seriously a trip), getting Covid and having no idea, my friend threw up on herself during a flight because there were no vomit bags. We also laughed so much. Met great people who wanted nothing more than to show us hospitality and help us fall in love with their country the same way they were. We experienced things we never would’ve gotten to if we would have chosen not to endure the difficulties that came our way. We cancelled excursions, booked new ones, tried to get money back for things we could and said “oh well” when we couldn’t. Those challenges that we face become the fabric of what helps us remember the things we’ve experienced as well. Without the challenges, the laughter wouldn’t have felt so sweet.
My ultimate point here being that we’re not all that different. If you want to feel differently, learn things, change, find happiness, experience grief, you have to try. You have to push beyond that wall of fear that is telling you that you shouldn’t and do things anyway. You have to find yourself outside of your comfort zone. You have to be willing to fall down and pick yourself up again and no, this doesn’t have to be something you do alone. By all means if you have someone willing to help you figure out how to get back up if you’re unsure, utilize them. But you will not experience all that life has to offer unless you abide by that age old saying we’ve all heard a time or two.
I still struggle to push myself outside of my comfort zone because its so comfortable to be in that place but every time I push myself outside of it, I never regret it.
